


What Has Been Lost

by KabbySC, Zivitz



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Childhood Friends, F/M, Lost Love, Mutual Pining, Puppy Love, Second Chances, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 03:56:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29429898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KabbySC/pseuds/KabbySC, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zivitz/pseuds/Zivitz
Summary: What happens when the inevitable suddenly isn't?
Relationships: Abby Griffin/Marcus Kane
Comments: 10
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Heavily influenced by the song "Marry Me" (Thomas Rhett)

Abby was nervous about her wedding day, despite preparing for it her entire life. As a young girl, she had lined up her toys, even the checkerboard, and forced her best friend to act as the groom. He had always acted like he didn’t want to do it, but deep down, she knew he didn’t mind. Even as a child, she was very aware that he would do anything for her, and as they grew she found that his devotion to her never waivered. 

Their relationship had always been...complicated. Growing up, he had been a fixture in her life, often spending more time in her quarters than his own. Their mothers had been extremely close as children and had remained friends into adulthood, so it was expected that Marcus and Abby would likely follow suit. They were always together, sitting together at lunch, studying together after school, watching movies snuggled up on the couch together late into the night when their peers were out doing far less wholesome activities. 

At some point, things started to shift. She felt it and was confident that he did as well. She would find her body coming into contact, her hand lingering on his arm, his shoulder, sometimes his leg. During class, she would feel his eyes on her, but every time she looked up, he would blush and look away. Academically, she understood what was happening. She had studied it in biology, but their connection seemed deeper than a hormonal attraction. She felt comfortable around him, more so than any one else in her life, and the more time they spent together, the more she started to wonder if he was destined to be her future. Maybe he would be the one waiting for her at the end of the aisle? When she dreamed of her future, he was there but much to her frustration, he seemed unwilling to go down that path.

She waited for him, wanted it to be him, but the longer he showed no interest, the more she began to doubt what she felt. And then Jake came into the picture and things began to change.

Initially, she had only started talking with Jake to spur Marcus into action, but she had been unprepared for how sweet and charming he was, how loving and attentive he could be. Jake looked at her like a woman while Marcus appeared to only view her as a friend. It broke her heart but she began to accept that they were not meant to be. The boy that had once been her future, the one that had always made things okay when nothing was, slowly started to disappear. 

As she and Jake began to spend more time together, Marcus just started to pull away. One day she woke up and Marcus had become a background character in the life she thought she’d live with him, and in his place was Jake. Solid, steady, warm-hearted Jake, who helped her study for her medical boards and took her out dancing and made her laugh. She thought she could sometimes see Marcus looking at her out of the corner of his eye, but every time she managed to get a good look he was engrossed in his own studies or the conversations with other members of the Guard.

She missed him. She missed the movie nights and the stern lectures and the way she felt when she was with him. She missed the friendly back and forth they used to have, and especially the way he made her heart race. Jake made it race, too, but it felt different. It felt like the kind of excitement that comes from flattery and lust and yes, love. But with Marcus it felt like the soul deep connection between two people who were halves of a whole in ways that defied explanation.

The day Jake proposed, she found Marcus in the mess hall, a book in one hand and his fork in the other, and slid into a seat across from him. 

“Hi,” she said.

“Hey,” he grunted, not looking up from his book. 

She jiggled her leg under the table, and two years ago he would have rolled his eyes at her and told her to spill it. Today he said nothing. 

“Jake proposed,” she said at last, and he froze. His fork was halfway to his mouth and she could tell by the look on his face she’d taken him by surprise.  _ Say something _ , she begged silently.

“Oh,” he said carefully, lowering his fork and finally taking his eyes away from his book. She couldn’t read them. All of these years, and she couldn’t read his eyes. Had they really changed so much?

“I said yes,” she added, jumbling her fingers together. 

Marcus put his book down and smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Congratulations, Abby. I’m happy for you.”

She searched his face, looking for something, anything to make this whole conversation feel less wrong. “Are you?”

He laughed lightly as he shook his head. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

She managed a weak smile of her own, somehow feeling worse than ever. “No reason,” she managed, and looked away because she knew she was going to cry.

“Hey,” he said suddenly, reaching across to take her hand. “What’s wrong?” She marvelled at how he could touch her and not feel the fiery burst in his chest the way she did.

She shook her head. “Nothing.”

“It’s not nothing. Is it Jake?” His voice was suddenly cool. “Is there a reason why you shouldn’t marry him?”

Her heart skipped a beat as she looked up quickly to meet his eyes. Was he asking-?

“Is he cruel to you? Abby, just because someone asks, doesn’t mean-”

Her eyes widened as she caught his meaning. “No! No, it’s nothing like that, it’s just,” she waved a hand at her face, “An emotional day, is all.”

Marcus nodded in understanding and released her hand. “Then maybe you should take some time to yourself. Relax and enjoy your news.” 

He gathered his things, but she couldn’t just let him leave. She grabbed his wrist as he passed by her. “You’ll come, won’t you? To the wedding?”

His cheek lifted in a half smile. “Of course,” he said, and bopped her lightly on the head with his book. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Marcus had been heartbroken when he had received the invitation to Jake and Abby’s wedding. He shouldn’t have been but he was. He had no one to blame for what he was currently feeling but himself. It was his own damn fault that it was Jake that would be waiting for her at the end of the aisle instead of him. He loved her, he always had, and she had loved him, he was almost sure of it, but he just was too scared of rejection to take a chance and now.. Now it was too late. She was marrying someone else and the worst part of it was he was going to have to watch it happen. 

He had come alone. Abby had suggested that he bring Aurora or Callie, but he didn’t want company. He just wanted to be alone with his heartache. When he had arrived at the ceremony, many of the seats had already been taken so he slipped into a chair towards the back of the room. He wasn’t exactly trying to hide, but he was thankful to be out of eye sight of most of their friends. He felt awful. Never in his life had he felt this combination of emotions and all he wanted to do was get through the ceremony so he could try and find a path forward without his best friend as the center of his world. 

As the ceremony started, all eyes were on Abby as she walked arm and arm with her father towards her future, while her past sat slumped in a chair in the back row. Marcus wanted to scream at the injustice of it all. He had grown up believing that it would be him. He was supposed to be the one waiting for her, watching her walking towards him just like they had done a million times as children. It had never occurred to him that it wouldn’t happen. Their paths had always been intertwined and he was so sure of their lives together, their future, that he didn’t even realize when it started to slip away. He had screwed it all up. He hadn’t seen the signs that she was ready to take the next step. They were both so focused on starting their careers that he had stupidly assumed they had time. He had taken for granted that she would always be there and then one day, he woke up and she wasn't. 

With every step she took away from him, all he could see was their past. Abby at six with her front tooth missing. Abby at eight with the uneven bangs that he had accidentally given her when she had assured him she just needed a little trim. Abby at ten, her beautiful brown eyes locked with his as she walked towards him, a paper bouquet in her hands and her mother’s shirt on her head as a veil. She was supposed to be his and damn it, he had let it all slip away. 

_ So stupid.. You are so stupid. _ He cursed as he reached into his pocket and pulled out the flask of moonshine Sinclair had given him earlier that afternoon. When no one was looking, he took a large gulp. Considering how sparingly he drank, he knew it would hit his system hard. In fact, he told himself the shot was why his eyes were tearing up. Not the sight of Abby looking like an angel walking towards a future that wasn’t him. His best friend was getting married and he knew he should be happy for her, but his heart was breaking with every step that she took away from him. He tried to watch but he couldn’t. He couldn’t sit there and watch the woman he loved marry someone else but he knew that if he left, she’d be heartbroken. Before anyone saw the tears on his cheek, he wiped the traitorous liquid, telling himself that this was the rest of his life. It was time he accepted it. He forced his eyes back on her, but as he saw her take Jake’s hands in hers, his mind thought back to the million little memories of Abby and him. 

Movie nights, study sessions, her graduation from med school, his commission as an officer in the guard. Their entire lives together flashed before his eyes, and the worst one, the one that taunted him and hurt the most, was the memory of them as children. He could still see her vividly walking towards him in her living room, a paper bouquet in her hands and her mom’s shirt on her head functioning as a veil. He had always hated it when Abby made him play groom in her pretend weddings, but now as he watched her going through the real thing, he would have done anything to have that moment back. To be the one that she was talking towards, instead of the one from which she was walking away.

His mind was screaming with him to stand up, to tell her how he really felt. Every fiber of his being was pleading with him to tell her, right then and there, that he had loved her since he had set eyes on her, that she was the only one that understood him, and that he wanted to be everything for her until the day he died, but it was too late. 

He had missed his opportunity and let her slip away. It was too late. As much as it pained him to watch her marry Jake, he couldn’t do that to her. She had dreamed of this day her entire life, there was no way he was going to be the one to ruin it. Her happiness was everything to him, it always had been, because she was everything, so he buried his feelings right then. Abby could never know how he felt. He had missed his opportunity and now he would have to live with it everyday for the rest of his life. 

He knew he needed to watch, but he couldn’t do it. She was about to say her vows, declaring her undying love for another man, and God help him, it was too hard. He knew he was going to have to live with this reality, but it didn’t mean he had to imprint in on his brain forever. 

While everyone’s attention was on Abby and Jake, promising to spend their lives together, he snuck out. He had never been more thankful for the empty corridors of the Ark because the only thing worse than watching Abby marry another man would have been someone telling her that they had seen him racing down the corridors during her ceremony with tears streaming down his face. 


	2. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finding what has been lost.

Twenty years later as they lay in bed sweaty and sated, he smiles at the ceiling. “We should have done this ages ago.” 

She turns her face into her pillow and mumbles something he can't quite hear. He turns his body to face her. “What?”

She looks up, mirroring his pose. “We could have.”

“We… could?”

“I waited for you that day.”

Marcus frowns, not quite connecting the dots. “What are you talking about?”

“When I married Jake. I waited for you to tell me you loved me, waited for a sign. Anything. But you didn’t. So I thought that was its own sign.”

He’s quiet for a moment. “I was getting drunk in my room. I couldn't watch you marry him.”

“I just thought you didn't care.”

He reaches over to stroke her cheek. “Oh, Abby. I cared too much. I was so miserable. If I'd known you were looking for a sign... I would have given you one. I would have said something in a heartbeat.”

Abby sighs. “But you didn’t.”

Marcus shakes his head. “No, I didn’t. Instead you had a beautiful life with Jake. A daughter. A life full of laughter. Everything I wanted for you.”

Tears shine in her eyes and her lower lip quivers. “But I wanted  _ you _ .”

“And you have me. You've always had me.” He smiles softly at her. “But don't tell me you'd trade Clarke for me, or I’ll have to call you a liar.”

“In that moment,” she breathes, “I would have traded anything.”

He presses a hand to her cheek, and she covers it with her own. “And now...”

“Now I have you here, and I have Clarke, and I have-”

“Fantastic sex?” He smirks

She smacks him lightly, tears spilling over at last. 

“What was that for,” he grouses, rubbing his chest with one hand and pulling her closer with the other. She nuzzles into him, snaking a leg between his and pressing her lips to the side of his neck. 

“For making me wait twenty years for fantastic sex.”


End file.
